1:47 p.m. - 2009-01-06
Round-Up
We watched movies during the holidays, yes. All sorts of movies. We watched Mighty Aphrodite, Woody Allen's first film to prominantly feature prostitutes. We watched Live Free or Die Hard, an action film in which a car crashes into an airborne helicopter. We watched a bunch of episodes of Flight of the Conchords, they being Kia's favorite New Zealandish music duo. (While not technically movies, watching them nonetheless ate up a bunch of time.) We rented a film we'd never heard of called I Want Someone to Eat Cheese With, directed by and starring the rotund fellow from the Larry David show. We watched The Hudsucker Proxy on New Year's Eve, because it begins and ends on New Year's Eve and has lots of snappy dialogue. We watched another Coen Bros. feature, O Brother, Where Art Thou, which is loosely based on the Odyssey and hillbilly manners and mores. And of course, the perennial Christmas favorite, Romy and Michelle's High School Reunion. So that makes, let's see, two Coen Bros. films, two films featuring Mira Sorvino, and two additional films, not counting Flight of the Conchords, because see above. Maybe I shouldn't have even included it on the list. OH, WELL, there's nothing to be done about that now; that would require some sort of computer eraser or some such crazy device. So our movie picks have segregated themselves, unprodded, into pairs, meaning that the number two is all the rage this season. Take heed, consumers. Next time you go to the store to buy a sock, why not try TWO socks instead? Instead of a monocle, consider a set of binocles. And for pete's sake, throw that unicycle on the curb!
And don't even get me started on MONOrails...
We also assembled at the homes of our family matri- and patri-archs and spent several hours watching the small children do things in between eating and opening gifts. Also talking and drinking. At Kia's family gatherings, brotherinlaw Matt always gifts us with delicious beer that he assembled with his very hands. At my family gatherings, we're on our own. At least at my mom's house. At my dad's, there's a deep cylinrical beer cooler, always well stocked, but unfortunately with Bud Lite and the like, but there were a few Heinekens as well, so any port in a storm, as they say. Because certain members of Kia's family regularly read this, it's always good to see family. NO! HAH! Kidding! That's one of the great things about the internet: you can tell jokes to people who AREN'T EVEN IN THE SAME ROOM. But I hope no one was offended by my joke, since it can never be erased.
Our house was slightly burgled the week of Christmas. Nothing TOO valuable was taken, so it was more a strange annoyance than anything. We heard a coule of days later that the burgle-man cashed a check from the Yid Vicious checkbook, which he had stolen along with Kia's horn case, because he or she probably plays the horn. The Yid Vicious checkbook is never in our house, but it was just this one time for like a day before it was stolen. Later the police came and dusted Kia's (safe, undamaged) horn for fingerprints and it was all very exciting. The cops were very nice and we liked them, once the initial awkwardness of having a couple of strangers with big sticks and guns in the house wore off. I was relieved when we found out about the check cashing because until then I was worried that I had done something to Kia's horn case in my sleep, and if I did that, what ELSE was I doing in my sleep? Binge-eating? Thrill-driving? Karaoke? The mind shudders. But it turns out I sleep lying down like a corpse, just like everyone else, so that's a relief.
BUT WAIT, here's the best part: The asshole who cashed the check from the Yid Vicious checkbook made out a five-hundred dollar check to Made Up Snowplowing Company, and what did the signature say? YID FUCKING VICIOUS!! AND THE SUPER-GENIUS BANK TELLER CASHED IT!!!! What's that howling outside your door? Why, it's a powerful idiot wind! It's a wonder that we still know how to breathe.
By the way, that was a lyric from a song. Can I be sued? Is the internet known to be litigious? Too bad there's no information like this on the internet.
But getting back to the holidays, Yid Vicious played on New Year's Eve, a milestone since YV has never before played on New Year's Eve. Despite having been abandoned by our ENTIRE REED SECTION, it went all right. We made with the Auld Lang Syne, played a bunch of bulgars, had a few drinks, had a good time. Then we played again a few days later, this time abandoned by half the reed section and (hope you're good with fractions!) two thirds of the rhythm section. We were a skeleton crew, which sounds terrifying but really just means that there were fewer of us than normal. I got to play marimba, and throughout the show learned to my shock that a few of our tunes have CHORD CHANGES. I was expecting D minor to A seven and back, even D major to C minor, but a couple of times I encountered F, minor and major, and G minor. Even B flat! I was flummoxed, more so than usual. We held it together, mostly thanks to Kia's generous accordianry, and the crowd seemed to enjoy it.
And that brings us to the present, the dreary, wintery holiday hangover, nothing but grey skies, slush and despair for the foreseeable future. Despair's all well and good for some people, but if you're trying to avoid wallowing in it, might I suggest live music? It'll get you out of the house, the musicians will appreciate your attending, and you may meet some interesting people, or see some people you already know become hilariously intoxicated. So why not check out a performance--or TWO--today? You'll be glad you did.
