10:34 p.m. - 2007-09-25
Suddenly A Fortnight Has Passed
And what have I done? Not a lot. I've seen a few movies. These are the movies I've seen:
THE SIMPSONS: THE MOVIE
This was an animated feature length film version of the popular (I'm told) animated television series. It would have been disappointing if I had formed any expectations.
OPENING NIGHT
A John Cassavetes film starring Gena Rowlands as a troubled, aging actress who imbibes heroic quantities of J & B scotch in practically every scene. Every other character in the film imbibes heroic quantities of scotch as well. In the narrow intervals between drinks, there are jittery conversations and near-conversations about the various characters' relationships, both personal and business, plus lots of backstage theater talk. Fraught looks ensue. More and more scotch is hastily swallowed, cigarets are smoked, cabs are caught. Doubt is confronted, obliquely or head-on. Amazing, circa-1977 outfits and sunglasses are sported. Opening night occurs. I found it a little long but worthwhile. I rented it on DVD, along with:
JACKASS: NUMBER TWO
They could have called it simply "Jackass Two". Instead, they snuck "number" in between "jackass" and "two". As the film unfolds, one realizes that THIS WAS NO ACCIDENT. But it's not ALL bowel movements. There are also plenty of scenes of guys crashing into stuff, guys having stuff or other guys fall on them, guys being attacked by various animals, various manifestations of homoeriticism and lots of swearing. It's idiotic, yes, but deliriously and entertainingly so. I laughed way more than during, say, the Simpsons movie.
BRAND UPON THE BRAIN!
Having never seen any of Guy Maddin's films on the "big screen", Kia and I greeted the prospect of seeing his latest offering at the local Redfordarium with some enthusiasm. We had enjoyed Maddin's "Careful", "Tales From the Gimli Hospital", "The Saddest Music in the World" and several short films. We had an idea of what to expect: archaic film technique, a convoluted story involving a dysfunctional family, bizzare plot turns, overall quirkiness. "Brand Upon the Brain!" delivered all of these, plus hilarious narration by Isabella Rosselini. And yet.
Something was missing. Some basic element. Maybe there wasn't enough Isabella Rosselini. Maybe the archaic film techniques employed were a bit TOO archaic (we're talking about a "Birth of a Nation" type style here). Whatever the cause, we found the film tedious. Leaving the theater, we were shocked to discover that we'd spent about one hundred, not four hundred, minutes viewing "Brand Upon the Brain!". We skulked home, terribly disappointed, to try and carry on with our lives. It hasn't been easy.
Ultimately, though, a disappointing movie is just a disappointing movie. There's so much more to living, Gentle Reader, than staring at a screen upon which the ruminations and antics of others are projected. Live life! Go outside! Read a book! Look at a flower or something! Yell at the neighbor kids! Think of life as an adventure, something like in those Indiana Jones movies.
Of course, you'd look terrible in a hat and whip, so better just to stay inside and gain experience like any REAL American: through hour upon hour of watching TV.
