4:39 p.m. - 2009-11-13
Part IV
In Which this Interminable Tale Winds Down:
BUT, on the way to Kia’s work I remembered that she was out of town that day. I know the other people who work there pretty well and I’m sure they’d have been happy to help out, but at the same time I’d feel weird about borrowing stuff if Kia wasn’t around. So instead, I decided to try the local hardware store and buy my first ever socket wrench. The array of sockets and socket wrenches at the Ace Hardware was dazzling! They varied in size from infinitesimal to formidable, and they all possessed a handsome shine. They enjoyed pride of place in the wrench section: a locked cabinet. I requested the assistance of a helpful hardware man and examined the larger pieces. Comparing the socket sizes to the hex nut from the old faucet that I’d brought along, I determined that the piece I would need would be the one-and-a-quarter inch, which would be compatible with a half-inch wrench, one of the largest available. I came close to buying the thirty dollar wrench along with the twelve dollar socket, but first discussed my needs with the hardware man. He had a suggestion: since I only needed the wrench for this one task, he could sell me the socket along with a half-inch piece of stock (a piece of metal about four inches in length by a half-inch by a half-inch) and I could then insert the stock into the socket and turn the stock (and therefore the socket and therefore the vexing hex nuts) with a pliers or whatever was lying around. I agreed that this indeed seemed a sensible plan and purchased the two items. The piece of stock cost about a dollar.
I got home ready to kick serious plumbing ass. However, in the grand tradition of Best Laid Plans, I discovered that the bolts were TOO LONG to use a socket wrench to tighten the nut all the way. FUCK! Also, I had chosen the socket based on the size of the old nut, not the NEW nut, which was smaller. Again: FUCK! I considered getting back in the car, driving back to the hardware store, bla bla yadda yadda bla, but instead grew more determined to show this dumb faucet who was boss. I would tighten it with materials at hand or die trying. Probably the latter, but what the hell, let’s get on with it.
After another half hour of loudly swearing at inanimate objects, I decided that the thing I would need but that we didn’t have was a crescent wrench. I briefly considered going back to the Ace and doing the return of the items I didn’t need and the purchase of the thing I needed in one trip, but that seemed too daunting for some reason, so I got back in the car and headed for Farm and Fleet, which I enjoy doing anyway because I enjoy looking at the comically large wrenches and mallets they stock there. I found a sturdy, seven-inch crescent wrench, purchased it without incident and drove back home.
Finally, I was able to secure the bolts without too much problem. Now all that was left was too restore the water supply. If you’ve read the myth of Sysiphus you’re familiar with what happens yet. At this point, Patient Reader, I will spare you the Byzantine details and report that yes, I eventually got the water supply attached in a water-tight (knocking on wood) and since that day we’ve experienced no further leakage. Also, showers at our house are very very nice. Next time you’re in the neighborhood, stop by and see for yourself!
FURTHER UPDATES: For them, go to yidviciousklezmer.blogspot.com.
